The inverted narc projects onto the actual narcissist through the very primitive projective identification ego defence. An innate primal fear of disintegration (psychological death) of the immature ego, living within the instinctual and unconscious realm of the Id.
- Sex without emotional involvement
- Partial involvement with outside interests and activities.
- Emotional flatness and numbness
- Aloofness and subtle distancing.
The narc uses splitting, projection and introjection to cope with these innate fears (aggression generated by the ego). They project the bad part (dead, disintegrated and aggressive) onto the world into the collective unconscious. The good part becomes the nucleus of the forming ego, unable to merge and go through the depressive phase of integration. They feel guilty for their many acts of rage or aggression, anxious as the good image begins to disintegrate, losing omnipotence as there is a breach through the sense of separation. They seek to make the idealised object whole again and perfect, erasing aggression and clinging for a reunion. Inbuilt envy seeks to destroy the good objects and devalue them so others can’t have them if they can’t make amend and bond again.
The more whole and centred the object, who does not want union or merging, the greater the narc feels the destructive envy and wants revenge.
The greater the envy, the less integrated and immature the ego, feeble and fragmented. Envy manifests as inferiority and separation, and to keep their omnipotence, the narc needs to defeat, destroy and devalue the worth of others to regain supremacy. By eliminating the other and reducing them to an inferior image, they can relieve anxiety, decrease inner rage, and return their libido to themselves. The narc can only own himself, access himself and possess himself. When the child moves his internal libido from the internal to the external world and object, they were met with intense rejection, abandonment and punishment, leading to the withdrawal of libido and the creation of narcissism. The narc develops idealised images of the parents /mother to which he fuses his grandiose self, splitting the ego and denying separation. The original ego is unitary, instinctual, needy, and object-seeking, fragmented into three aspects: gratification, disappointment, and deprivation. The central ego idolises the “good “parent and suppresses the bad aspects while sacrificing his true self.
- libidinal – the seat of cravings, desires and needs
- Antilibidinal – frustrations, rejecting and unsatisfying.
- Repressed ego– true self in cold storage and locked way.
As the narc is fused and unable to separate, they can’t mature and let go of the internalised idealised images without believing they will disintegrate. The borderline is believed to be on the border between neurosis and psychosis. As they have no Self-object, the early relational dynamics are doomed to be repeated and reinforced by the outside world. They cannot recognise their child’s true self, its separate existence and boundaries due to excessive attachment. They need a constant flow of narc supply (attention and admiration) to ease inner envy and anxiety, with a deep sense of entitlement and innate superiority. The deep narc injury of rejection and abandonment leads to hypersensitivity and vigilance, inbuilt repressed and unexpressed rage, unable to tolerate ambivalence, all repeated in adult relationships.
Society demands the sublimation of your instinctual urges, drives and desires (repressing libido and pain), where disassociation and merging with the crowd are encouraged and rewarded. Dysphoria, depression and collapse will set in when supply is unavailable, where the immature, fragmented true self is exposed to reality and unable to cope. They may be subject to violent moods, sleep disorders and addictions, all signs and manifestations of fragmentation and regression. Unable to regain or generate new sullies, they will devalue and denigrate old friends, family and peers to the dustbin, becoming split toff bad objects. The longer the lack of supplies, the narc starts to glorify, rewrite and mourn the nostalgic past of great victories and accomplishments. The void of supply surmounts negative feelings and experiences, leading to depression, paranoia and further self-destruction.
“The grandiosity gap between fantasy, delusion, illusions and reality widens, as the narc falls into the abyss, the black hole of despair and annihilation.”
The wounded self has an opportunity to experience the void, relive the repressed aspects of the psyche, separate from the primary fused object and integrate the true self. The adult/child will go through a continuous cycle of repeated integrations and disintegrations, deaths and rebirths, as they bring the unconscious conscious, mourning and letting go of the grandiose inflated illusions and fantasies. The new experiences are integrated through withdrawal and introversion, reinforcing the new ideas, beliefs and expectations in their own superego.