The structure of the borderline is split, with one part unconscious and one part conscious. Induced guilt and bodily tension and breathing constrictions lead to hypervigilance and hypersensitivity. There is a continuous life-and-death battle between truth and falsehood based on the authenticity of their relationship. They need to discover and transform their imaginal insight and experience the wrath of this sight instead of withdrawing or attacking the insight for the pain it conveys.
The unconscious mind of man sees correctly when conscious reason is blind and impotent.
The emotional sight was very dangerous for the child, unconsciously collating with their parents to not see the mother’s hatred or psychotic qualities. They learn to “Act as Normal”, creating an inner fifth column, a dark shadow of rage and hatred, fused with the requirement to be blind to both one`s destructive qualities and those of others. Object constancy is only gained by the recovery of the imaginal sight, able to tolerate opposites and the pain of the unconscious. Living with a deep-seated hatred and contempt for their impotence, experienced when they try to enact some positive effect of self-assertion into their life. They dispense cowardly energy to avoid feeling further despair or helplessness. The borderline always anticipates the void and believes the good object does not exist. The borderline is ravished with emotional flooding and persecutory anxiety, unable to learn from the experience, living on the brink of nothingness.
They survive by primitive forms of denial and splitting, therefore, not feeling inner affective states of despair and rejection. Attack and counterattack leave the borderline in a constant battle of a wound they can’t resolve—a sense of soul murder and identification with their inner tyranny. Any experience with the power of the spirit will surely lead to abandonment and rejection, as their divine and demonic energies will drive people away. Despair is god`s calling card, working in the objectless realm, the void, the chaos lurking in unseen regions with vampire-like energy.
The conjunctio
- Union – an interaction between 2 or more people, where both experience a change in energy flow with a kinship quality. The archetypal nature of opposites coming together, with fusion and distance in perfect harmony
- Fusion—a non-differential process between 2 people, where psychic contents can be transferred between each other, will lessen insight into the individual’s process, where identity becomes confused and hazy. A crossing of boundaries used to deny the loss, no separation to experience persecutory affects or abandonment, in control and dependence.
The individual will normally reach a depressed state after the conjunctio, where the Nigredo and darkness kick in as they process the initiation of ancient wounds. The coming together of good and bad, truth and false, etc., into a new transcendent form. The new archetype carries meaning and purpose, embracing the mind and body. The borderline has failed in the conjunctio, where no feminine/masculine union has taken place, where life is dead and helpless and unable to create order, identity, or purpose. If the conjunctio is not worked through, the individual will be left with intense despair resulting from unresolved conscious trauma. Entering despair and the void threatens an illusory identity, which destroys ideas, beliefs, and expectations.
The borderline does not possess an internal positive representation of self, remaining in limbo between outer reality and an inner word, full of distorted archetypes and psychic dismemberment. An inner feeling of the ugliness of body and soul abounds. There is no play in the borderline, with no experiences of the transitional space, always confused, believing they may be mad. The exhibitionist part is split off and discarded, forever trying to reward the other and withhold the inner emptiness.
The true self is enmeshed with psychotic mechanisms of splitting and denial, locked up, petrified and frozen in ice.
The idealistic perspective of the parent`s narcissism, living out their unlived ambitions, where the child creates a special, unique identity, with the base requirement to achieve and be successful. Intrapsychically fused with unresolved rage towards the parent, who failed to be ideal or be able to carry enough self-esteem to be idealised. Any projections of the parental failures were to be threatening for the child to endure, where true perceptions are denied and disowned. The parental ego functions are not integrated or embodied, with ego contacted only through emotional flooding. Pathological exhibitionism fused with the ego, leading to ego inflation and constriction or murder of the true self. Exhibitionism becomes the autopilot and main identity, fuelled by internalised rage against the parent and self. Any genuine revelation of the true self will flood the ego with emotions and stirs the individual into intense activity to avoid the pain and hatred associated with it. Humans with a god-like image of themselves employ idealisation, splitting and repression to create a caricature persona. Any genuine revelation of the true self will activate the internal antenna of danger, instigating furious activity or defences to fend off inner pain and hatred. Once you are discarded, the narc can destroy the existence of the other in their reality and remove all personal history to avoid any ensuing guilt and a threat to their fragile identity.
The death of the narcissistic caricature Is needed for one to make progress and find someone safe enough to idealise and relate to whilst neutralising one`s rage and aggression, leading to separation from the parent. The true self must be unfrozen, released from prison, and no longer petrified and scared. The narcissist must endure the gradual wounding of real life, endure the truths of their experience, and accept they are not the centre of the universe.
Shame
Shame encourages hiding and silence and keeps the person from talking to anyone about true feelings and experiences—a profound failure in self-development due to failure with primary caretakers. Establishing a bonding effect based on guilt, depression, and shame leads to obscure and distorted perceptions and feelings. The poor binding of affective states immobilises the individual and elicits primary patterns of interpersonal defence. The more distrust of feelings, the greater the disparity in the comprehension of affective states. The experience of falling apart in the face of environmental and parental judgments/hostility generates immense anxiety. The child cannot tolerate and contain the body`s energy, excitement, and desire and needs to repress the energy. The child also can’t contain the experience of parental loss, which also leads to loss of self. The self becomes a diminished version, with a sense of being exposed and seen as impotent by everyone else, and as a child, does not possess the faculty and methods to resolve the matter.
- The core of guilt – loss of impairment of drives, desire, aggression, and libido.
- The core of anxiety – impairment of structures (external and internal)
- Heart of depression – loss of the other and impairment of object constancy
- Heart of shame – loss of the self and impairment of identity and cohesion
We are trying to shift the intrapsychic to the interpersonal in therapy. The client’s inner child is highly susceptible to boundary intrusions, failures, and confusion. The loss of control and parental attachment makes the child believe something is inherently wrong with them. This is internalised as the child is ashamed of themselves, unconsciously developed for their protection. Ego decontamination Is needed to resolve shame, challenge the inner parent and create enough space for a new internalised parent to be internalised to soothe and care for the child. The client needs to identify with and acknowledge their patterns of blame, continuing behaviours, and attitudes used to avoid the re-experience of the shame. Start witnessing their conflict-avoidance and appeasement in hostile situations to avoid anger or humiliation. Dependency and reliability must be differentiated from fusion and symbiosis with the mother. Independence and autonomy must be repeatedly differentiated from isolation and self-containment. If the self and ego have not differentiated, one will continue to seek self-esteem through performance and achievements. Successful decontamination defines evidence of individuation, the ability to negotiate and problem-solve without sacrificing their needs. They can tolerate closeness and intimacy with a shared understanding of one`s needs and differences. Group therapy violates the prime rule of shame-based families; engaging with another family/group and sharing one`s experience is a grave betrayal and violation. One can then get a different perspective and experience, breaking the trauma of bonding with the shameful family.
