Home Blog The Terrible Mother

The Terrible Mother

1st April 2020

The mother complexes are a threatening element to the child`s development and disturb the child’s instincts, creating fantasies and subjective reality. The husband becomes a unit of procreation and gives birth to children, which cling to her as she has no existence without them. Her unconscious Eros /Libido manifests as a will to power, “living for others”, with no real self-sacrifice. A continued process of annihilating themselves as well as their children fused in a narcissistic bubble. The less conscious she is of her personality, her will to power is greater and more strident.

She creates some well-known characteristics in men and women.

Don Juan-Happy to mother’s little boy; his little penis is satisfactory to his mother and does not have to rival dad’s big penis. Works towards curing and exposing the highest goals of injustice and is willing to make sacrifices to fragile willpower. Unconscious Hatred of powerful fathers leads to the idolisation of non-threatening childlike men and desires a woman who possesses his mother`s greatness.
Homosexuality – tied to the mother’s sexuality, as she unduly stimulates or inhibits feminine instincts. She injures the masculine instinct, which is sought, craved and experienced through sexual activity with men. The convergence of oedipal envy and castration leads to the revulsion of female parts. The defensive idealisation of the penis as a replica of the child’s penis and a symbol no longer depends on a woman’s gratitude or participation.
Feminism fosters promiscuity in women with a narcissist pathology who identify with perceived male sexuality. Displacement of aggression from mother to father may lead to the search for an idealised mother and a homosexual relationship with a woman to who she can project her dependent needs. Both ladies (narcissists) are denying the hated and envied father and reversing dangerous dependency on the mother.

With the Overdevelopment of Eros, daughters can develop an incestuous relationship with their father due to intense jealousy of their mother (women). This becomes the main motive to outdo the mother via manipulation and exploitative seduction of men. They normally pursue married men and romantic episodes leading to the replaying of maternal betrayal and abandonment.

Identification with the mother leads to paralysis of the feminine instinct, with the projection of personality onto the mother, creating masculine females pursuing masculine ideals. With an embedded unconscious maternal instinct and Eros, their erotic demands, responsibility, and personal relationships bring feelings of inferiority (separation anxiety) and compel them to run away to their mother, yearning for reunion with the safe idealised object. The unconscious clinging and striving to repeat the dominance over her with the illusion of loyalty; she is sucked dry by her mother. A man is then free to ask for and exhibit anything he wants/desires, with the man acting as a white knight and saviour from the wicked mother, making her feel wanted and superior.

There may be reversal and resistance from the mother. I will do anything not to be like my mother but don’t have the conscious awareness and experience to know what they want and to choose. They may escape from their mother, but she unconsciously picks a husband who wants her mother’s traits. Maternal disturbances can lead to miscarriages and problems with pregnancy., as she continually tries to break her mother’s spell by intellect or gain of knowledge. Exhibitionism and seductiveness towards men are an effort to dominate and exploit them by gratifying sexual needs and protect them from envy and helplessness.

The Narcissistic child has an intense desire to destroy, spoil, and force out what is being withheld and wished for by some dysfunctional methods and behaviour. They always feel frustrated and empty, needing to be admired instead of loved but must contemplate the other, who is also a source of envy. A learned pattern and revengeful defence against envy, with a fear of being exploited and manipulated, means they can’t experience gratitude. Hatred may destroy the capacity for sexual excitement and result in sexual inhibitions.

“The man searches for the ideal object (attractive) which begins with intense idealisation and rapid devaluation, resulting in high levels of sexual promiscuity.”

The narcissistic male seeks out a woman desired by society and is deemed a catch to improve self-worth and feel superior to others. A complimentary inbuilt fear of being rejected and ridiculed by women, like his mother, transposed into an unconscious hatred of them. May keep the relationship if not seen as a sexual partner or stimulus, as they did not cross boundaries into the fused relationship with the mother.

To the Borderline (BPD), emotional truth is dangerous, as parental rage and hatred are fused to blind one from their own destructive qualities, always betraying oneself. They Want to avoid feelings of being hated and hating, leading to further disgust and despair, whereby the good object does not exist. Living in a constant fog of despair on the brink of nothingness and does not learn from affects. Bpd is terrified of fusing (engulfment), alternating with a loss of identity (abandonment), and wishes to devour their partner to gain control. They unconsciously enact the rape of the self, splitting off from exhibitionist longings or needing to display them to bring on rejection. They need to penetrate emptiness and inner truth, awaken their pain, and contain and tolerate self-disclosure, which may feel like a psychic death and splitting from non-alignment and union.

This creates Intense feelings of fear and impatience, leading to impotent rage as one cannot union with conflicting messages and behaviours, developing a state of confusion and madness as one’s soul gets lost in the conflicting intellectual and instinctual experience. The conscious mind cannot deal with the conflict of opposites and falls into the gulf of impotent rage and then feels guilty.

Narcissistic idealisation transmutes into a structure of a fused grandiose self-image with an idealised object image. Due to some separation, Borderlines don’t have the cohesive defences of the narcissist. These are learned responses to a mother persecuting their child for any form of separation and concern for separation. Borderlines can read people very effectively, as they have learned through hypervigilance to watch for facial expressions and slight agitation in their mothers to protect themselves. They can easily unmask and attack the false self in others when they may feel abandoned or rejected. The narcissist believes no one is perfect like them, an idealisation fused with rage and denial of true perceptions. Ego contraction and regression appear via an emotional flood of negative feelings, whereby they can act utterly sadistic, vengeful and demanding. The concept of wanting to be seen, the exhibitionist element of the child, fractures into two parts /polarities. One of complete fusion due to the mother encouraging and living through the child’s uniqueness or a total lack of contact (split off), where any form of self-expression is forbidden. I will be vulnerable and open to criticism and punishment if I show myself.

The Dragon fight

We do not mourn for ourselves because we disassociate from our experiences before and up to the Oedipal stages. Our superego has been programmed to never attribute blame to where it is due, not right to accuse the idealised parent. We learn to conform to the whims and standards of the crowd and embody its values, which shape our ego ideal and image of ourselves (persona). The crowd penalises and attempts to silence anyone who contradicts the edicts of the masses, and these individuals are ostracised and vilified. This suppression is in direct causation with our own repression, identifying with a malignant ouroboric father. Society has become the shelter for selfless men and women who will do anything, no matter how absurd, to face the condition of their souls.

The breaking of the cycle ends with the mother, if she can, facing her unconscious self-hate and inability to really express her true emotions. The child tied to their mother by incestuous bonds remains narcissistic, cold, unresponsive, and drawn back to the mother, forever bound to the maternal womb. The child’s only refuge from the barrage of necrophilous energy is the lack of feeling and the remaining amount, suppressing legitimate feelings of anger, hostility, and frustration toward the mother. They call upon authority figures to guide and lead them, reinforcing the status quo and wanting to be free of responsibility and true freedom. They could not criticise, challenge or show hostility towards their parents without feeling guilt or anxiety or being punished or abandoned. Repression can be described as a form of violence towards the self as it stunts the instincts and natural growth of the individual. The lack of differentiation from the crowd (The feminine) consciousness deadens productivity and creativity, slaving away for corporate cubicles.

The woman tries hard not to express political opinions or views but advocates and participates in popular movements that will continue suppressing the individual. These women make up the majority of nurses, social workers, university scholars and therapists, influencing the thoughts and ideas of the next generation. This outward social activity excludes them from looking inwards and gaining a deeper insight into how their beliefs, ideas and behaviours affect their children and society. The terrible mother demands idealising, which forces the child to idealise their object of hate, only able to act out passively, sacrificing themselves for the parent. This woman has learned to wield considerable power without taking responsibility by calling on the father or government to use force to implement her demands and wishes.

The child is locked in a continual attempt to win the approval of those who negate their wishes as human beings, forever being disillusioned and unsatisfied when they are not met. The child unconsciously seeks to return to the symbiosis with their mother, undo any separation and return to the womb with absolute protection and security. Psychoanalysis is continually misused and misrepresented. The common idea is to help the individual function better in a dysfunctional society and not allow the neurotic to experience their true emotions and nature.

Taboo subjects and ideas become entrapped in the body and the bioenergetic sphere, causing psychosomatic illness or death.

A child does not have enough knowledge of their needs or sufficient knowledge to comprehend the parents’ behaviour. Fear and Pain are experienced as overwhelming, and the child must flee from their inner state to survive; otherwise, they face psychic annihilation and intolerable anxiety. These experiences are walled off in the body behind musculature, and physiological armour and a patterned defence do not want to reverse. They are unable to discriminate and discern as they have suppressed hostility and any form of differentiation. The child denies their own masculinity and becomes part of a daemonic feminine society, with a weak father figure imago, immature sexual needs and infantile ways of attaining sexual gratification. The child`s rage and frustrations will be suppressed if the father reinforces and sides with the mother.