The hated child lives with Oedipal issues, with an ego full of deficits and is depleted, where resistance to the breakdown of pre-oedipal adjustment may have been necessary for the literal survival of the organisation. The child’s parents demand an ideal reflection of their own idealised self, the “perfect Baby “. The hatred of caretakers will be introjected, breathing inhibited, and the development of an involuntary tightening and muscular frame to restrain life force. Behavioural and affective expressions are frozen at the point of serious-environment frustration (symbiotic period). Anxiety or panic attacks are common due to threatening situations with terror appearing as phobias, social withdrawal, and fear of intimacy. A machine-like behaviour, absent of feeling, denial of anger and rage, which would risk destruction or abandonment. A learned avoidance /withdrawal against conflict or confrontation, with an inability to get angry and face the aggression or anger in others.
A conditioned passive-aggressive nature that idolises the false image of an all-loving mother. Where any expression of anger does not lead to loss of control and annihilation and prolonged disaffection.
The child develops an intense ambivalence towards the exciting and frustrating mother with a deep suspicion of her teasing and withholding. This interferes with Adult erotic attachments, alternating between idealisation and dependency on the woman he loves, leading to guilt feelings and sexual inferiority/inhibition with intolerance of a sexual woman who can no longer protect them. One develops a Narcissist envy of their mother with a deep desire and needs to take revenge, devaluing other women who represent the longed-for maternal object, with consequent fear of entrapment and abandonment.
Women who develop a guilt complex around intimacy and commitment to men experience a profound disturbance when their child attempts to move from mother to father. Like her male equivalent, she will instigate a devaluation of men who love her by emotional distancing, acting out promiscuity and withdrawal. The greater the intensity of the experienced castration, the higher the perversions, where the aggression with oedipal castration anxiety may be relieved by transvestite, transsexual fantasies. They fall in love with impossible unavailable people and submit excessively to an idealised partner, hence discounting any other potential partners. Idealise unavailable partners, devalue available ones and have great difficulty tolerating ambivalence. Submits out of irrational guilt to impossible demands from the other rebel against these demands in potentially self-injurious ways.
The Narcissist falls in love with physical beauty, power, wealth, fame, and the attributes to be admired that are unconsciously incorporated into the self. They enter into relationships dominated by aggression, based on deep resentment and frustration from the past, which will be overcome by sexual gratification and the conquering of the idealised object. The Unconscious fear of a love object, where the absence of any internal freedom, stops them from becoming interested in the personality of the other. Envy of the other gender increases resentment, which they cannot undo by intimacy and resolve by primitive splitting. The intolerable aspects of the self are projected onto the partner to protect the idealised self-image, leading to increased identity confusion and lack of empathy. They literally love others as badly as they love themselves. Narcissistic men can continue a sexual relationship without any emotional commitment, unlike women who withdraw and disconnect. Separating from women after sexual gratification is an imagined representation of assertion and autonomy. Women who struggle with sexual freedom in their relationships need to rediscover their original sexuality and work through the process of separating from the idealised self-object (mother)
